I’ve been feeling so down lately. I couldn’t really explain this sudden influx of negative emotions. Could it be my period? Could it be school? Is it hormones again? Perhaps, it’s a bit of all. I suddenly feel so agitated by everything around me. I’ve been feeling like crap for the whole week, but I swear, this day took the cake! Lots of mini terror happened, but my Fil 12 test results really dragged me the most! I literally failed each quiz. Now, I don’t want to berate myself here, but who wouldn’t feel like hanging themselves after staring at that red-marked piece of s*#$t. I know I shouldn’t take this the wrong way, and accept it as a challenge, but I just felt like shit today! I could barely keep my eyes open during Fil lecture! More so in Math after that! The Math lesson today almost made me cry in my seat. I had too much going on in my mind, and seeing Math like it’s in Chinese didn’t help at all. Of course, I sucked my gut and tried my hardest to understand everything just to make sure my hormones don’t get the better of me. I even stayed behind to have a consultation with my Math teacher, which turned out like repeating the whole lesson in slow motion! Anyway, it was of great help and I totally get the lesson now! Hehe….but that’s not my point!
At the end of the day, I went back to my room [which by the way isn’t exactly my favorite place at the moment]. I didn’t have anywhere else to go anyway. I wanted to nap, but couldn’t so I decided to rummage through my drawer for some lost things I might find. Well, I did. I found letters from some friends. I felt so touched after reading each one. To be honest, I’m really jealous of those seemingly popular people with many friends, those who always go out and what not. I then realized how I must have taken the people close to me for granted. I’m not unfriendly; I may even come across as weird and creepy. Well, perhaps that’s why most people veer away from me. Perhaps they get intimidated by people so errrm…odd. I read from one of the letters of my friends that I can’t please everyone. If they can’t stand you, it means they’re not meant to be in your life. So, why go on trying to impress all these people? Another letter speaks of how my oddities make me likeable. Wow, there really are people who could accept me for me. Another letter then tells me to be proud of my achievements. Well, I’m not so sure of what achievements they speak of, but it’s like saying, “Hey, give yourself some credit!”. I mean, I have got to have some good points right?
***gets knocked out to bed***
This was written at 1:30 a.m., and thought vomit kept pouring out.
Bwaharharharhar. Time check, it’s now 3:55 p.m in Colayco Pav. Well-rested (not quite) and well fed. Feeling better, but not stellar because I have midterms in 2 hours or so.
Just so you know, I’m not really sure how anyone should react to this. xD